Yellow, Purple & Red

This is the first time in a LONG time I have had two seconds to breath and work on my blog. I really do enjoy blogging, but haven't had the energy to muster up the words.

I feel so disconnected from the people I enjoy spending time with. When Steven goes back to work, being a single parent sucks. But, I must say, having him home also sucks. There is so much drama and details. His presence just gets on my nerves. I think even Louis feels the stress. What I need is a part-time husband and a part-time partner. Does this make any sense? Do I sound confused? Maybe it's the gloom of the day talking. I need to lighten up my discussion!

The other day, Louis came home from school and announced that his class told him that he was half Jewish and half Christian. I told him that you can't be both, you have to be one or the other. Like Daddy is Jewish and Mommy is Christian. He said, well, a girl in my class is half Jewish and half Christian! Ah-ha! We have a "Jews for Jesus" church in the neighborhood. That would explain it. Talk about confusing. So can he really be half Jewish and half Christian, just like I want half a husband and half a partner?

I suppose the question really lies where you're comfortable. Do I enjoy being in a relationship where I know that person will always be there for me? Do I like having the same-old, same-old? -or- Do I want that spontaneity that comes along when you are footloose and fancy free? Do I want not having to worry about the other person? Do I want that "first date" feeling? Or, in in the Christian/Jewish thing, do you believe that Jesus was a disciple or is he the messiah? Do you believe in the Old Testament or the Old and New?

I suppose these questions are ones that people have been asking, on one level or another, for hundreds/thousands of years. If we figure it out, would we have all the answers? Would that make us truly happy? Do we need to find what is inside of us to make us happy and work from the inside - out?

I may never be able to answer these questions. I might feel, see, or experience a sign that will tell me what the answer is. For now, I will just keep pluggin' along, doing what I am doing. Being a mom (which I love - most days), being a friend (even though I don't seem to have time to do this well lately), being a daughter (that is a whole other blog!) and being a wife (which has been tested recently). My answer will come.

In regards to Louis' question...yes, I think in my heart, he IS both Jewish and Christian. He was created from two very different people, who love him very much. Who says you HAVE to be one or the other? Why can't you be both? Why can't you experience the good, the bad and the ugly of both religions? Why do we, as a culture, need to be black or white? Why can't we mix in a little yellow, purple and red? He is primarily learning Judaism right now. Later in life, he may want to learn Christianity - or Islam, or Buddhism, or Hindu. As his mom, his greatest fan, I will let him choose. He has that option to do what feels right to him. Let him choose what feels most comfortable. (So much for the "light" discussion!)

Did I just answer my own question? Or, should I throw in a little yellow, purple and red and see what happens!?