Can You See Me Now?

My poor home. It has been severely neglected the past month (or more!) with cleaning. With husband gone, me sick, Louis sick, activities almost every day, who has time for cleaning? I struggle getting the dishes in the dishwasher and laundry in the washer, let alone dust and vacuum! Well, the day finally came on Monday - I managed to clean my downstairs bathroom! I love Clorox CleanUp. I love the smell. No, I am not inhaling chemicals now, but it smells...clean! I figured, after a day or two with the nice clean downstairs bathroom that I might tackle the upstairs bathroom. Yes, I am a rebel!

So, Wednesday night, armed with Clorox CleanUp, Comet, a rag and a sponge, up I go. Louis was in the bath, so I decided it would be a great time to clean without many interruptions. I cleaned my sink, countertop, cabinets (outsides), doors, floor mouldings, and the toilet. I didn't get to do the tub yet, since child was in the tub. I didn't think he would appreciate being Cloroxed or Cometed!

Said child gets out of the tub, flosses his teeth, rinses his teeth and spits water all over my clean countertop. I could have blown a gasket by this point. I yelled, "Louis! Did you not see that the bathroom is clean? That I just spent 20 minutes cleaning?!!!" His response, "No. It isn't that clean, I can't see my reflection in the counter." UGHHHHH! I announced, "Fine! Next time a bathroom needs to be cleaned, you can do it and see if you see your reflection in the counter!"

After saying this, I was thinking, what the hell did I just do? Not the yelling part, not the threatening part - the part where I offered my 7 year old to clean a bathroom.

As a girl, I remember cleaning the bathroom, doing laundry, cleaning my room and washing dishes. I don't think I was much older than him. I think I did a decent job, as my mother never said anything. Come to think of it, I wonder if she just let me do it so it could get done. Are we coddling our kids too much these days? Do we have to wait until our children get in trouble to make them clean a bathroom? Do we just have anxiety making our kids do what we HAD to do way back then?

Louis asked me the other day if I got allowance when I was a kid. I explained to him that I didn't get allowance because there were certain chores that I was expected to do. (Steven and I agreed early on that our child should get an allowance if he does work around the house.) I explained to Louis that I go to work and get my work done and do a good job; therefore, they pay me. If I don't get my work done and don't do a good job, I won't get paid. We are also insistent on him saving some money for charity, for his college fund and for his spending money. This has worked well, so far.

Did I learn to keep a nice house from almost 35 years ago? Did anyone teach it to me? Is it just a "girl" thing where we were 'supposed to keep a nice house'? I don't remember that far back to pass onto my child. Did we have nothing else to do but clean - come on, you remember, only 4 channels on TV and you had to get up to turn the knob to put something else on! Were we just terrified that if we didn't do what our parents told us to do, we would get it - whatever "get it" was? We just never wanted to find out so we did what we were told!

We may never remember lessons of the past and why we did what we did, but I have a feeling in the near future, we are going to have a bathroom cleaning lesson on St. Croix Street. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go "buff my countertop"!

Yellow, Purple & Red

This is the first time in a LONG time I have had two seconds to breath and work on my blog. I really do enjoy blogging, but haven't had the energy to muster up the words.

I feel so disconnected from the people I enjoy spending time with. When Steven goes back to work, being a single parent sucks. But, I must say, having him home also sucks. There is so much drama and details. His presence just gets on my nerves. I think even Louis feels the stress. What I need is a part-time husband and a part-time partner. Does this make any sense? Do I sound confused? Maybe it's the gloom of the day talking. I need to lighten up my discussion!

The other day, Louis came home from school and announced that his class told him that he was half Jewish and half Christian. I told him that you can't be both, you have to be one or the other. Like Daddy is Jewish and Mommy is Christian. He said, well, a girl in my class is half Jewish and half Christian! Ah-ha! We have a "Jews for Jesus" church in the neighborhood. That would explain it. Talk about confusing. So can he really be half Jewish and half Christian, just like I want half a husband and half a partner?

I suppose the question really lies where you're comfortable. Do I enjoy being in a relationship where I know that person will always be there for me? Do I like having the same-old, same-old? -or- Do I want that spontaneity that comes along when you are footloose and fancy free? Do I want not having to worry about the other person? Do I want that "first date" feeling? Or, in in the Christian/Jewish thing, do you believe that Jesus was a disciple or is he the messiah? Do you believe in the Old Testament or the Old and New?

I suppose these questions are ones that people have been asking, on one level or another, for hundreds/thousands of years. If we figure it out, would we have all the answers? Would that make us truly happy? Do we need to find what is inside of us to make us happy and work from the inside - out?

I may never be able to answer these questions. I might feel, see, or experience a sign that will tell me what the answer is. For now, I will just keep pluggin' along, doing what I am doing. Being a mom (which I love - most days), being a friend (even though I don't seem to have time to do this well lately), being a daughter (that is a whole other blog!) and being a wife (which has been tested recently). My answer will come.

In regards to Louis' question...yes, I think in my heart, he IS both Jewish and Christian. He was created from two very different people, who love him very much. Who says you HAVE to be one or the other? Why can't you be both? Why can't you experience the good, the bad and the ugly of both religions? Why do we, as a culture, need to be black or white? Why can't we mix in a little yellow, purple and red? He is primarily learning Judaism right now. Later in life, he may want to learn Christianity - or Islam, or Buddhism, or Hindu. As his mom, his greatest fan, I will let him choose. He has that option to do what feels right to him. Let him choose what feels most comfortable. (So much for the "light" discussion!)

Did I just answer my own question? Or, should I throw in a little yellow, purple and red and see what happens!?