Forgiveness vs. Revenge

I will never understand how some people can have so much hate in their heart. I will never understand how people can be concerned with nothing but themselves. Was I like this when I was younger? Does your heart and soul soften with age? Do you finally realize that there are people out there that are so much worse off than you and that you don't need to hurt people in order to make yourself feel good?

I am so angry right now. I am so hurt. I am so at the point that I forgive or I seek revenge. Revenge sounds so sweet. It would make me feel better for the moment, but guilty in the end. Forgiveness would make it hurt a little less each day, but it would still hurt. Maybe eventually the pain will go away. How do you forgive someone that hurts you Monday - Friday?

Would my revenge be to forgive? Would that make this person hurt? I don't think so. But, it wouldn't hurt me. I am blabbering on and on. I am sad.

A change needs to be made. Immediately. I will do all I can do to survive until this change happens. My family is depending on me. Revenge is sweet. Forgiveness is sweeter! Like one of my favorite songs says, "I will survive..."

RAW

Raw. That is how I explain it. Have you ever had a really bad burn and it was just red, oozy, exposed, raw and hurt like you have never felt pain before? That is what I am feeling lately. I am feeling raw. I write my feelings, I talk about my feelings - more so than ever before. I let people into my life this way. I open up to friends about my life, my job, my relationships.

I wonder where this came from. I used to always be pretty shy, to myself and had a wall up between me and the rest of the world. These days, I feel like I am willing to share with anyone I can trust.

Is this good? I think so. I think for me to get feelings out and heal, I need to take the bandage off, let the burn ooze, hurt and slowly heal. Yes, it will be messy, it will cause great pain if it is touched, but that is part of the healing. I could put on a numbing ointment, but when the ointment wears off, the pain is back - it doesn't ease the process of healing.

Time is what helps the healing. Nurturing helps the healing. Taking care of myself helps the healing. This is what I need to do right now. Nurture myself. Realize that the pain will subside in time. Look forward to when the burn is gone and I don't hurt anymore. But, from here on, I just need to be careful not to touch the fire!